So we have recently been going through a battle with our three year old. It started when we moved into our new house last summer. Gradually he had worked himself into sleeping with us every night. It got to the point where my wife wouldn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night so she moved his bed into our room. He would start the night there and then crawl into our bed in the middle of the night.
After talking with some friends about this I started hearing horror stories about 12 and 13 year olds still sleeping with their parents. I started having visions of this third wheel, who likes to kick and slap and move all over in the middle of the night, being a permanent fixture and it was a scary sight. Since I was the one taking issue; I was the one that had to take the action as well. One night I was talking with our son and I told him he was getting older and someday he would need to move his bed back into his room. I was laying the groundwork for moving him back to his room when he turned 4. Well he said he didn't want to do it tonight but that he would do it the next night. Surprised I agreed and let him sleep with us that one last night. The next night we moved his bed back into his room before bedtime and went through the normal ritual. My wife didn't know about our agreement and was a little upset (I'll get to that in a minute), but she let me continue with what I was doing (although visibly upset about my method). Our son slept in his bed all night and everything was great; until the next night. The next night was a real chore getting him to bed and he threw a fit. I stuck to it and told him he had to sleep in his own bed. He woke up a few times throughout the night but each time I went in and comforted him and he stayed in his bed. It has been a few weeks now and it hasn't gotten much better. He still asks every night if he can sleep with us, I still tell him no. He still gets up at least once in the middle of the night for "something", and I still have him stay in his bed. But it's hard.
So in talking to my wife I found that she likes having our son sleep with us. It's comforting to her. She wouldn't mind at all if he were to continue sleeping with us until he's 12 or 13. She was upset with me because she wasn't privy to our previous nights' conversation, but once we got through that she still wasn't happy because she would rather let him sleep with us than be woken up in the middle of the night.
So I'm not quite sure what to do at this point. Our son still wants to sleep with us, I think my wife probably wants him to sleep with us, but I don't want our 2 year old joining the party and I don't want our 3 year old sleeping with us into his teen years. Does anyone have any insight to offer?
6 comments:
Stick to your guns!
I'll fully admit, I'm against co-sleeping. It's nice to cuddle with my 14-month-old sometimes, but that bed is for me and my wife. And like you said, the thought of a 12-13 year old sleeping in bed with you is just horrible. Who would want that? Sure you guys are parents, but you're also husband and wife.
I know people disagree with me, but I think extended cosleeping breeds trouble and a lack of dependence. That's just my opinion.
I hope you stick with your gut instinct and continue putting him in his own room. It's tough now, but it's for the best in the long run.
Good luck.
We knew from the begining that our children would not sleep in our bed. They have on occasion but they both toss and turn so that means we don't sleep. I'm with you on this one. He'll never stay in his own bed if you don't make him.
Not to get you in trouble with your wife but I say keep up the good work and if it's what you really want you're gonna have to be patient with him. After all, he's making an adjustment from 3+ years of habit and comfort.
Yeah, co-sleeping is tough, and changing a three year habit is even tougher. I agree that you need to stay consistent. Eventually, the kid will learn that he doesn't need so much attention through the night, but I'm a fellow co-sleeper, with my kid's bed in my room, so what do I know? ;)
there will come a time as he grows bigger that your wife will tire of the kicking too. Not only that, by 12 or 13 it can be life scarring for him to sleep with you. He will want his own bed.
co-sleeping is a good way of them never getting out of your bed, or at least it will be hard. does he have his own room separate from the 4 yr old? or does he share? if they have separate rooms maybe you can think about having him share a room with the 4 yr old unless the 4 yr old is a girl.
daddy files statement of breeding troubles and lack of independence(had to correct the word) is highly unlikely to come from co-sleeping. stuff like that comes from much more.
all i can say is, do try to keep to him sleeping in his own room. make sure you and your wife are on the same page. i, too, once wanted not to be woken up so easier to have baby in bed. your wife has to understand that when she's not on the same page, he is definitely going to sense that and keep doing what he's doing now. good luck!
Thank you for all of your great comments. It's really nice to get perspectives from both sides.
It seems like I'm getting some traction. As a near term compromise I am bringing him into our bed once I leave for work so we'll see how that goes. I'm still not sure if it's sending the write message, but baby steps I guess...
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